February 2012
2 posts
2 tags
“No, [I’ m not gay]. I can quite happily say someone is handsome, good-looking,...”
– Daniel Radcliffe (via cruciatused)
I just really <3 Daniel Radcliffe. Honesty, bitches.
January 2012
1 post
December 2011
1 post
November 2011
1 post
4 tags
Ideas for Black Friday
This ‘Black Friday,’ consider doing one of the following: 1. Buy nothing. 2. Buy from local, independently-owned shops. The people running these small businesses could really use your support, whereas big box stores are corporate entities without any concern for you, your welfare, and in many cases, the welfare of the planet or their own workers - they don’t need your money. 3....
October 2011
1 post
August 2011
2 posts
Sing me... anything: UGH! →
iknowaboutpopular:
I hate shit like this. This is currently posted as my sisters facebook status and it’s all I can do to not respond.
“Small boy writes a letter to God. “Dear God, why do you let bad things happen in our schools?” God replied, “Dear Son, I am not allowed in your schools. I was kicked out.” I…
3 tags
July 2011
4 posts
7 tags
A typical game of cards with @Kidogorath
{Pete deals. Kidogorath arranges the cards in her hands.}
Kidogorath: Okay. So, which musician are you?
Me: I'm sorry?
Kidogorath: Who are you channeling? You have to pick someone dead.
Me: Okay...
Pete: What? Why are we doing this?
Me: We're channeling.
Kidogorath: I'm Schubert.
Pete: Why are you Schubert? I don't understand why we're doing this.
Kidogorath: Because we have to play cards as ghosts. Woooooooooooo.....
Me: I'll be Billie Holiday.
Pete: Whatever. I'm Duke Ellington.
Me: We can't all be jazz people.
Pete: She's Schubert.
Me: But we need some rock representation. I'm going to be Freddie Mercury.
Pete: Fine. Can we play cards?
{Time passes; Kidogorath lays down three fours.}
Kidogorath: {whispers} Luke, use the fours.
Me: Did you say that as Schubert, or you?
Kidogorath: Schubert.
Me: Obviously. And I'm Freddie Mercury.
Pete: {eye roll}
4 tags
Omegle conversation log, 30 December 2009
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: how did your parents die?
Stranger: theyre still alive
You: oh, i'm sorry.
Stranger: i dont get it
You: me neither, friend. me neither.
Stranger: i appreciate you saying it tho
You: well, say 'hi' and say nothing, or say 'how did your parents die' and start wondering, i guess
Stranger: yea, tht definatly grabbed my attention, well done
You: what's your favorite color?
Stranger: orange
Stranger: hbu
You: no shit? i hardly ever get orange.
Stranger: whats urs?
You: that wonderful chartreuse shade of green.
Stranger: yea thts most ppls fav color tho
You: is it? i'm so average. :(
Stranger: thats a shame
You: what about lava red?
Stranger: 2b honest iv nevr heard of either of those
Stranger: ever heard of purple mountain majesty
Stranger: or tickle me pink
Stranger: or macaroni and cheese
Stranger: theyre all colors
You: i'm more partial to amber waves of grain
Stranger: whats tht color? and y are we talkin bout colors
You: i know, we could totally be talking about animals. what's your favorite animal?
Stranger: did uno an octopus can take a shark
Stranger: and my fav animals a shark
You: really? mine's an octopus.
Stranger: dam you
You: i like tentacles.
Stranger: i eat tentacles for breakfast
You: i eat sharks for lunch
Stranger: i eat whale droppings for an after dinner snack
You: piquant, with a seafoam undertone
Stranger: whats tht?
You: what's your favorite city?
Stranger: sweet home chicago
Stranger: you?
You: Buffalo, NY
Stranger: u live there?
You: no, but I think it's a very nice city.
Stranger: where do you live?
You: Atlantis
Stranger: whats tht guy tht totally owns atlantis
Stranger: its not poseidon
You: Jacques Cousteau?
Stranger: yeaaaa, tht must be it
You: do you like Voldemort?
Stranger: no harry potters a douche
You: well, yeah harry's a douche.
Stranger: obviously
You: but Voldemort is the shit. he's all "AVADA KEDAVRA!" and shit goes DOWN.
Stranger: lolll
You: I like it when Voldy kills Cedric Diggory and then licks his wand, like he's savoring the taste of the kill.
You: that is Gangsta.
Stranger: dammit i hate vamps
You: yeah, and werewolves. they're gross.
Stranger: very improper eating habbits
You: i know. they might get indigestion. do you like Lady Gaga?
Stranger: i think it would be worth it to contract aids just so a vampire cud get it
Stranger: and not a chance
You: aids is such a terrible plague. if it had a color, do you think it would it be amber waves of grain, or purple mountains majesty?
Stranger: both are horrid colors
Stranger: but i think tickle me pink comes off as the most dreadful
You: i suppose it depends on who does the ticklin'.
Stranger: both would get aids tho
You: what's your favorite song?
Stranger: dont think twice, its allright, by bob dylan
Stranger: hbu
You: it changes. last night it was Rickie Lee Jones singing 'My Funny Valentine'
Stranger: beautiful song
You: i like how Johnny Cash sang don't think twice, its allright
Stranger: yea
Stranger: whats ur fav food
You: shark meat
You: yours?
Stranger: callamariii
You: we were never meant to be anything but dinner to each other
Stranger: i suppose
You: our fate is tragic
Stranger: yep
You: well, i guess i'll go keep searching for Mr. Right. (Voldemort - does he omegle?)
Stranger: idk maybe, later man
You have disconnected.
June 2011
8 posts
5 tags
Give peace a chance
I was a child in the 1980s and don’t remember the politics of the time. Ronald Reagan to me was an amusing rubber mask in a rock video, and the man and the mask emoted in remarkably similar fashion.
My consciousness of the greater world deepened at the age of twelve when my country, for reasons still not clear to me, invaded Iraq. I took the war as a personal blow. The war? We...
1 tag
waldosia
dictionaryofobscuresorrows:
n. [Brit. wallesia] a condition characterized by scanning faces in a crowd looking for a specific person who would have no reason to be there, which is your brain’s way of checking to see whether they’re still in your life, subconsciously patting its emotional pockets before it leaves for the day.
“I keep falling over / I keep passing out / when I see a face...
1 tag
“…and that, boys and girls, is the story of the first transgendered driver in...”
– (via audiovaudeville)
May 2011
4 posts
April 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Don't block with your face
Scene - at the dojo, talking about wooden practice swords.
Phroo: I'm going to name my sword Tessaiga!
Master: What does it mean?
Phroo: I dunno. Something cool, I bet.
Phroo's Father: I bet it means, "limp noodle."
Phroo: No, it doesn't. It means, "Don't block with your face!"
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
2 posts
No hep cats.
Phroo: Did you know anteaters can actually snap their fingers?
bran: Where did you hear that?
Phroo: A science blog.
bran: The question isn't can they - but DO they?
Phroo: Well... maybe not.
bran: They don't have jazz.
Phroo: Yeah.
4 tags
January 2011
2 posts
1 tag
1 tag
December 2010
4 posts
2 tags
the Horror of haggis
When I was a child, my grandma from Kilmarnock would say, “Eat your damned dinner! Would you rather eat HAGGIS?” Like haggis was this awful, scary thing to be faced with. So her threats would work. Ok, Grandma, I’ll eat my
…chipped beef
…spam casserole
…minced liver surprise.
Just whatever you do, don’t feed me something as gross as haggis.
This...
1 tag
Songs I never want to hear again: part three in a...
In no particular.
Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? by Paula Cole
Closer I Am to Fine by the Indigo Girls
Who Will Save Your Souls by Jewel
Angel by Sarah Mclachlan
Hey Soul Sister by Train
2 tags
Songs I never want to hear again: Wham! edition
Last Christmas
1 tag
Songs I never want to hear again: part one in a...
In no specific order, just as they come.
Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin
Last Christmas by Wham!
Mary, Did You Know? (various)
Every Rose Has its Thorn by Poison
Come to My Window by Melissa Etheridge (I make a terrible lesbian)
The Little Drummer Boy (by anyone - under any circumstance)
Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones
Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones
Hot Blooded by...
October 2010
4 posts
5 tags
The things we imply
We’ve been studying Sumer for world history and are now moving on to reading about Sargon the Great. My daughter Phroo held her history text in her lap, about to read, and said, “Sargon - that sounds like Sauron.”
I thought I would let it slide. Then she said, “Wait - Uruk-hai, that’s like city of Uruk. Mom, do you think Tolkien borrowed names from Sumer?”
...
5 tags
Insidiously Unsubtle: Leave the LDS church →
porlob:
There’s been a lot of news and talk about Boyd K. Packer’s talk at LDS general conference this last week. Boyd K. Packer is a dangerous bigot, hopelessly out-of-touch with our world.
But he’s just one old dude. Who cares what he thinks? Answer: Many, many people care, and that makes me sad….
2 tags
Adverbs can go fuck themselves.
People tell me I can’t be happy with anything because I’m a perfectionist. I prefer to say “constantly scrutinizing revisionist.”
Maybe it sounds over-blown since I’m only conjuring a euphemism for a person who likes to bitch a lot. I bitch, ok? Usually silently, to myself, unless it’s done typingly on my blog or Twitter, or clearly, coldly, adverbedly to...
11 tags
"Apostle: Same-sex attraction can change" →
I’m going to get my letter in order, too. I’ve been holding out for an ex-communication, but it’s clear my attempts to win one aren’t working. (Do they not read my Twitter? Really? COME ON NOW MONSON, PACKER, DON’T BE COY.)
ryanshattuck:
“Same-sex attraction can be overcome and any type of union beyond traditional marriage is morally wrong, an LDS apostle...
September 2010
2 posts
5 tags
4 tags
August 2010
2 posts
3 tags
Shanghai Surprise
Library patron: Can you tell me who the author of Shanghai Girls is?
Me: Let me google that real quick.
Google: Here is a bunch of porn.
1 tag
oh, snap.
bran: you and your dad are like two peas in a pod.
Phroo: yeah, but one of us has been left out in the sun too long.
July 2010
7 posts
2 tags
From a ten year old, to me.
bran: My feet are killing me.
Phroo: That's what you get for wearing hipster shoes, hipster.
4 tags
2 tags
While reading Harry Potter
bran: "Don't know...what you're talking about...," said Pettigrew again, more shrilly than ever. He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked up at Lupin. "You don't believe this - this madness..."
Phroo: Madness? THIS - IS - SPARTAAAAAAAAA!
2 tags
for the record
Modest Mouse are playing in Salt Lake City tonight. It’s a concert in the park and it’s the magic number FREE. Most of Salt Lake is going, I hear. (Would-be burglers: now’s your chance!)
I’m just not that into Modest Mouse. That one song is ok, but the way the guy sings irritates me, and I swear they’re playing the same song over and over with whatever slightly...
3 tags
